Second chemotherapy treatment--a smoother ride

Yesterday I had my second chemotherapy infusion, and overall things are much better.  My cousin Alice was at the clinic for a check-up (we're so excited for her first baby, a boy coming this May!) and she came and waited with me before I got called back, which was so nice.  I had been there early because I had a free appointment with a nutritionist, which ended up being kind of ridiculous.  She was this overly perky girl who asked me how my first week of treatment went, and when I explained all the negative things that had happened, she smiled and kept saying, "I'm so glad that you're managing so well!  It sounds like you're doing great!"  I'm all for a positive attitude and I wasn't trying to be a complainer, but I was giving the facts and the facts were that things were not great!  She was just one of those people who definitely did not connect with me and that's okay.  I don't need everyone in the world to "get" me.  I had thought maybe she'd have more to say about the importance of a balanced diet, but she basically said when you're going through treatment you just eat whatever you can handle and I thought that sounded good to me and left it at that.

I had a great visit with Alice and then my mom arrived after having dropped the kids off at our cousin Julia's, and I was called back to meet with the oncologist.  What a relief for me--I wasn't sure if I would get to meet with her before or after treatment, so it was wonderful that I got to meet with her first thing.  I feel soooo much better after talking with her.  We went over each of my medications and I now understand which ones I need to be sure to stay on a strict regimen with and which ones I can change dosages on according to my needs.  She doubled the heartburn medication so that has helped with that, and she prescribed a special mouthwash they make only at Stanford to help with the mouth sores.  I swish it up to four times a day and it definitely helps.  Usually people don't have this mouth trouble until at least day 12, so it is just my luck that it happened to me on day 3.  But as Tom says, "That means the chemo is working!"  As of yesterday morning, I no longer have the constant horrible burning sensation all over my mouth; instead it is more like having multiple tooth aches and a mild stinging in the ears.  I'll take it.

Most interesting was the discussion about the nausea I experienced.  When I explained to my oncologist about the not-so-with-it girl who fielded my phone calls and went through everything that happened, she rolled her eyes and shook her head and apologized and said I was a real trooper.  I never complained about the girl specifically last week, but apparently she has caused other problems.  The oncologist told me, "That's not going to be a problem in the future.  She's not with us any longer.  She was let go."   Whoa!  That made me feel sad for the girl but kid of validated about my own situation--that girl really was out to lunch.  I told them the name of the person who I really liked and my oncologist promised I would be "assigned" to her so that she could be aware of my situation and would be assisting me in the future.  When the nauseating chemo comes up again, it shouldn't be as bad because I now have the right medications and know when to take them.

This week's treatment was more mild and side affects could include fever, so they gave me Benedryl and Tylenol and suggested I stay on them for 24 hours.  I said, "I will take Tylenol but I will not be taking any more Benedryl.  Believe me, one Benedryl is going to keep me doped up all day long."  I swear, no one out there gets more easily doped up on stuff than I do.  I left there in a total fog and didn't come out of it until evening.  There's a sleep/anti-nausea aid I mentioned in a different post that I'm allowed to take up to 1 mg a night of (more during nauseating weeks) and I have cut to taking half a pill every other night.  I only take it on the days I have to take prednisone, which tends to wire people up.  That half a sleeping pill leaves me with a hung-over feeling for most of the following day.  When I was pregnant with Miles I used to take a Unisom at about 7:30 at night and konk out until 8 or 9 the next morning.   It just doesn't take much for my body to react to this stuff!

I am amazed at how  tired I am.  I just didn't think the fatigue would kick in so fast, and I know it will only increase.  However, I know I am now starting to really accept the way things are and all the help and I am settling in to a routine because I am hungry again.  Hunger is a sure gauge of how I am doing emotionally.  Some people eat a lot when they are stressed or anxious.  I am the opposite.  When I am feeling overloaded or overwhelmed I totally lose my appetite.  For weeks I've generally been eating only out of obligation.  Yesterday morning after I talked with the oncologist and started the infusion, I looked at my mom and suddenly realized, "I'm starving!"  Luckily my mouth is doing well enough that I can tolerate most foods now, and right there during the treatment I ate a muffin, a cup of soup, a big sandwich, and a drink.  For dinner a friend brought delicious chicken enchiladas and homemade salsa, which just happened to be one of my favorite meals in the world.  I have been scarfing food all day yesterday and today!  It feels so good to be hungry again, and especially to be able to drink water and have it be refreshing instead of feeling like I am literally on fire.

So I feel like we are on our way.  People are amazing.  I am so tired I am going to end my blog here today but tomorrow I am planning to write about some of the incredible things my amazing friends are doing for me.  I cannot believe all the wonderful support we are getting and I've got to record all this kindness!