My AMAZING extended family

Okay, when I started this blog post the title was "My AMAZING friends and family" but then I started in on the family and wrote a novel just on my side of the family and a handful of Tom's, so I've decided this one is just mainly about my amazing extended family and later this week I will give the details about my AMAZING friends and My AMAZING extended family Part 2 (the rest of Tom's family). Wow, after writing this I feel like THE luckiest girl in the world. Can't wait until I have a moment (or more like a couple of hours) to write about all the amazing friends and family! What a pick-me-up! Here goes.....

A week into treatment, it's definitely been a little rougher than I had expected. It's a little disappointing when you aspire to "do cancer right" like my mother always phrased it, and then find that you are falling a little flat--complaining sometimes, getting irritable, just plain being worn out instead of having the whole superhero- conquering- the- illness attitude. I am so grateful to reflect on my mom's example of allowing people to help and allowing myself to slowly come to the realization that there is no one "right" way to "do cancer." In our family we occasionally fall into the trap of thinking that if we could just do cancer right this time, maybe it could finally be the last time! But it is an odd sort of blessing to have so many relatives who've been there before, particularly my mom, to help me pull through. From birth, we rely on our mothers. They see us at our very worst but continually think of us at our very best. I am blessed with a mother who is so much stronger than she gives herself credit for. She has been through so much and she is still there to mother me. She is rearranging her schedule in order to be a consistent support for me and my children. She is taking me to all of my infusions, supporting me through things like wig-buying, providing enthusiasm and love for my kids, and just being there to let me express fear and concern and anxiety, allowing me to fall into the role of a child again. I've never experienced anything that's made me feel like an old woman and a little child at the same time the way cancer has. Thank heaven for Mommy.

And thank heaven for all the other amazing people in my life. The picture above is my "chemo quilt" that my sister-in-law made for me. She has made the most beautiful quilts for each of my children, and now I get my own! She made it cheerful with a soft yellow backing--my favorite color--and the whole family has adopted it as THE comfort item. No matter who is on the couch reading, watching tv, or snuggling, they are under that fabulous quilt. My sister-in-law is the kind of person who intuitively knows what people need. When I was pregnant she would just show up on my doorstep with lasagna and her teen-age boys, ready to take Philip out on his scooter. When she comes over she instinctively knows what the kids need and she tidies up my house too. Today she spent most of the day helping me out, and this is someone who has had her own share of MAJOR stressors in the last two weeks: attendance at the funeral of a favorite uncle; flooding causing mucho damage at their cabin in Sonora; and a real scare for our family when her oldest son, attending college out of state, fell during a basketball game and realized two days later he was having brain hemorrhaging. (He is going to be okay but we were pretty worried for a few days there.) And did I mention that her normal every-day life includes being mom to a high school teen-ager and three college kids away from home, devoted daughter to her widowed mom, and wife to a super talented therefore super-busy executive who happens to be serving as bishop of a sizable congregation for a second time?

Speaking of bishop's wives, Tom's cousin recently became one as well. That is in addition to raising her five kids, teaching piano, and oh yeah, volunteering to take my children during any of my appointments because it is just so very convenient for her, living in Palo Alto and all.

My own cousins have long been one of my greatest sources of strength and joy. I was fortunate enough to happen to be born right in the middle of a gaggle of cousins on both sides of the family. Our yearly reunion in Lake Tahoe was something we planned for and waited for all year long. They are inspiring. Many of them have served as missionaries. One lives one the East coast and she and her husband beautifully raise two boys, one of which is autistic. She is like the powerhouse version of me--we're close in age and our boys are the same age, she teaches piano, and lost her father to cancer a couple of years after I did. Her patience and diligence in providing her boys with everything they need to succeed is incredible.

Her brother recently married an amazing woman with three kids of her own, one of which also deals with autism. They are expecting a baby this year, as is his sister who I mentioned in yesterday's blog. She, like most of the women in my family, is dealing with a less than idealic pregnancy and yet she is so dedicated to being my friend! She is always checking in on me and helping out and pumping me up. Her awesome, devoted husband is a cancer survivor and is truly inspiring--he trained for a marathon during his radiation treatment. He knows something of hardship as well, having lost both his mother and step-mother in tragic accidents. But I've never seen him not smiling.

Another cousin and his wife are both police officers nearby. There couldn't be better people out there protecting us all from the bad guys. They put their lives on the line so we can sleep well at night. He is a highly trained award-winning K9 cop. Their compassion is remarkable--they are always among the first to send a card to anyone during any crisis. I've already gotten two. And oh my goodness their two-year-old son is soooo adorable.

His older sister lives in UT (and her husband did his time as a bishop too) and she was my matron of honor. I lived at their house for a while during the time I dated Tom and have learned so much about how to be good parents from them. A lot of how I interact with my kids is patterned after her and how she treats her four kids. They are some of the most capable, well-adjusted, caring youngsters I've ever known, ranging in age from 8 to 16. Her husband does things like taking their oldest to South America during Spring break so they could assist doctors in providing eye surgery to people who need it.

Their younger siblings were two of my very best friends growing up. Our childhoods are intricately woven together. One lives in Southern Ca and recently married a beautiful, wonderful school teacher who is magical with Fiona. You hand Fiona to her and she instantly falls asleep. They are going to be awesome parents some day. He is one of those people who everybody knows and everybody loves. Everywhere I go I am meeting people who have some great story about him and I can't believe the circle of friends that guy's got. Sometimes I felt like a celebrity growing up just because I could say I was related to him. His sister, who lives nearby with her husband and super-cute baby boy, has a gift for accepting people exactly as they are. She gets along well with everyone and she does it with great style and the most infectious laugh ever. Her husband has the best sense of humor. The two of them are so cute and romantic and they have such a zest for life. His mother died when he was a teen-ager.

On the other side of the family I have four female cousins who grew up with me from afar, and we treasured our times when we got to see each other. They are the super dependable types, who showed up at Grandma's and always beat me to the dishes or the dinner prep or whatever. One is super organized and I don't know what I would have done without her help packing up my belongings after trips. She and her husband are THE people that the little kids flock to because they are so much fun. The sister next in line and her husband are super hard workers and have the greatest outlook on life despite some tough things they've had to deal with. Their daughter is Miles' age and the two of them are giddy with excitement when they get together. The third sister has had the challenge of having been diagnosed with lupus and having to drastically alter her eating habits. She has a fantastic attitude and she is my favorite person to chat with on Facebook. Our other cousin lost her mother to breast cancer at 16. She was motivated to become a doctor and has been highly successful in her field. Two years ago she married an incredible man. This past October the two of them were in a motorcycle accident and he died. She was seriously injured but has been through rehabilitation and is doing pretty well. She works for President Obama and he mentioned her specifically in one of his speeches last fall.

Aunts and uncles too. My mother's sister is like a second mom to me. She holds us all together and keeps us going. She is a beloved school teacher nearby. Oh yeah, her husband was the bishop for a while too. They have both had health issues to deal with and it seems like I rarely hear about it until someone's in surgery. They are not complainers. Since he's retired, our family has reaped the benefits of his new-found love of cooking. At our family reunions we get a new kind of exotic salsa every night just for an appetizer!

My widowed aunt has a calm, patient and long-suffering spirit. She is so kind. She and her daughter are artists, and it shows in the way they dress to perfection! When they brought me gifts the wrapping matched what they were wearing.

My mother's younger brother and his wife are incredibly successful in a worldly sense, but more importantly they are fabulous parents to their three children, the youngest of which has Downs Syndrome. That child couldn't have been sent to a better family. Their perspective is upbeat and insightful. I call that aunt the great validator. She is THE BEST person to talk to--you come out of every conversation feeling you are somebody special and you have great things to say. Obviously, she is the one skillfully saying all the deep and poignant things.

My dad's sister loves everyone unconditionally. It is a rare and wonderful gift. She delights in giving and gives often from the heart. She has an uncanny sense about what kids love. Every present she buys my kids is always the favorite. Her husband has been through several notable trials including cancer and he has the most wonderful way of observing others and speaking volumes in a few sentences. In a very uplifting email, he gave me two pieces of advice that touched me profoundly. The first was, "Just remember that when you get to the end of your rope and just can't endure another day, if you ask for it, your Heavenly Father will give you a longer rope and you will go on." The second was something he'd been told in his days as a missionary: "When someone wants to help you, don't rob them of blessings by saying no."

My dad's brother and his wife are always looking out for people. They are constant and hard-working and take good care of my grandparents. And they know how to laugh and have fun! My uncle is experiencing a new and unusual health concern of his own, and I pray that his drive and sense of humor will help him deal with the challenge.

I grew up with two incredible sets of grandparents. Both helped pay for my college education. Mom's parents lived nearby and she was the shopping grandma, who took you to lunch and bought you an outfit at Nordstrom's and was almost never seen in pants. When you spoke to her on the phone she had a way of conveying that it was a blessed pleasant surprise that you were the one who happened to pick up, like it made her whole day. She played the piano and organ beautifully and my grandfather sang in a way that melted everyone's heart. They were so devoted to their grandchildren. Grandpa had a special name for me: "Silly-ga-willy-ga-boom-boom." I have turned it into a name for Philip "Silly-ga-willy-ga-Philly-ga."

My dad's parents are getting older but maintain an amazing vibrance. They live in UT and when I was there at school nothing was so comforting as going to their home for the weekend. I could write a whole book just about their lives, the difficulties they've faced and the exempliary way they've overcome them. Grandpa has a twinkle in his eye always. Grandma is the epitome of service and love. She still gets down on the floor to really play with my children. She makes me feel like a million bucks when we come to visit. She has a way of seeing the good in everyone and recognizing the things they excel at. All of my grandparents were fantastic at showing how proud they were/are of their grandkids and great-grandkids.

My brothers are the best. One is serving as a missionary in Georgia and I figure he has a pretty direct line to heaven, so that's comforting. He has always been the peace maker in our family. He is very mature for a 20-year-old. I guess losing your dad at 14 can do that to you. The other two also gave two years of their life in missionary service and now attend college out of state but call frequently to check up on me. When I told Matt I probably had cancer, he said, "Well, you're going to be fine." He has a great way of just knowing when things are going to be okay and he is very reassuring. We are closest in age and he loves me for who I am despite the fact that I bossed him through his entire childhood. He is so much fun to talk to and such a strength. Children ADORE him. All children. I have never in my life met anyone who is so naturally gifted with children. Can't wait till he marries and reproduces! Brent is very compassionate, thoughtful, and deep-thinking. He is an excellent conversationalist and has a wonderful sense of humor. He has had his share of struggles in this life and his faith and hope keep him going. He makes me feel important, and that's a feeling I need to have right now.

With an extended family like this, you're pretty set in the whole people-who-love-you-and-give-you-every-reason-to-be-strong category. But it doesn't stop there! Part 2--The Rest of the Carmack Side and Part 3--85 friends signed up on a web site to make your life easier so you can conquer cancer...coming soon to Mandy's long-winded blog....