Changes to the cancer treatment plan

Yesterday was the 10 year anniversary of our engagement. (The photo above was sent out with our wedding announcement.) Sometimes it is hard to believe so much time has passed. We were in Salt Lake City visiting my uncle and aunt that weekend, and we went on a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride for two in Memory Grove. I don't think the driver ever noticed that part-way through one of his passengers was down on one knee. I wish we had taken some pictures because less than a year later, Salt Lake was hit by a freak tornado, and the trees were struck down, thus rendering Memory Grove truly a memory and no longer a grove. My uncle does have some video footage of us at his house on that historic afternoon. I don't think I've ever watched it; I'll have to see if he can dig it out for me next time we're in town.

We decided who better to celebrate with us but the oncologist? Okay, not really, but yesterday afternoon was when she was available. After meeting with her there are now some changes to what we thought would be the plan for my treatment. It is more what I pictured when I was first told I had cancer, and less like what I had gotten used to anticipating. So I am having to readjust to what this will be like and it is a little bit hard for me.

As it turns out, the PET scan showed that I indeed have Stage II cancer, meaning that it is only on one side of the diaphragm--in my case, above. There are two more cancer ID subcategories. The first is A or B. I am an A which is good. It means that I don't display many symptoms and appear on the outside to be healthy. Of course, the oncologist said the main symptoms would be weight loss of 10-15% and severe night sweats, so I think it is a little hard to classify. In recent months I lost well over 20% of my body weight due to the fact that I had a baby last April. However, I've been relatively stable at my pre-pregnancy weight for a couple of months now. I also am experiencing night sweats--last night I changed my clothes twice in the night--but they aren't bad enough to drench the sheets.

The other subcategory is "favorable" or "unfavorable." This is where the comment the doctor made from the scan on Tues. makes sense. Apparently I fall into the "unfavorable" category because of the actual cancer in my body. I have been telling people it is more cancer than they thought. Tom corrects me and says, "No, it isn't more, it is just that it is bulkier." I ask him to remind me what bulkier means and he responds, "It just means that the affected lymph nodes are bulkier--larger." Sure sounds like more cancer to me.

In any event, it means more treatment. Instead of 8 chemotherapy treatments, one every other week, I am going to be doing 12 weekly chemo treatments. We could have opted to still do every other week but with radiation for 4 weeks at the end, that would have put me clear into September or October. The oncologist recommended going with the weekly treatments because it means I will actually be done even sooner than originally planned. So I've got a rough calendar now: Begin treatment St. Patrick's Day, lose hair April Fool's Day, done with treatment for Independence Day.

The long-term affects should be the same--I'll be completely cured and hopefully fertility will not be largely altered. The oncologist still has to check with a fertility specialist about that, so I'm a little anxious to know how high my chances are on that one. The short-term affects are that throughout treatment I will become increasingly exhausted to the point where after about a few weeks I am really wiped out and pretty much need help with my kids all the time. The oncologist also said that when it is all done I'll feel markedly better within a month or two but won't be back to my full energy level until sometime around Christmas.

So now we have some new decisions regarding childcare, which is the biggest logistical issue we face, with the highest emotional impact. We had kind of previously worked out the details and now we are having to rethink, as we will be needing a lot more help than we thought. Today I have generally felt bummed out and in some moments pretty distressed, like the walls are closing in on me. I have definitely been guilty of the whole "leave it to Tom to figure out" mentality as far as running the household. We had thought everyone was done with the stomach bug because the whole family seemed fine on Thursday, but the baby threw up again last night. Our dear baby-sitter called as we were leaving the doctor's office and offered to stay for the evening anyway, but we came home instead of going out on our date. Fiona was still cranky and feverish today so we canceled tonight's date as well (a pregnant friend had volunteered to watch the kids, and we decided maybe that wouldn't be very nice of us).

We are tossing around some ideas as to how to make it all work. We want the kids to have some consistency. We know we will spend some money, which is okay, but we don't want to break the bank. We want to take people up on their offers to help without crossing over the line of taking advantage or wearing people out.

It's disappointing that I won't be starting treatment next week after all. Everyone keeps asking me when I will start and I hate that I never have a concrete answer. I keep saying next week I think, next week I think, next week I think. Now we know it most likely not next week but the week after. We will be meeting with the nurse on Tuesday so she can go over the details of the many medications I will be on and the treatment schedule, and I am assured that we will actually be setting up said schedule. We hope to have more specific details about everything later next week and we are so appreciative of everyone who is waiting to find out how they can help. We have truly amazing family and friends.

Chemotherapy is tentatively planned to begin on Tues. Mar. 17th, but that isn't set in stone. I keep gearing up to begin and then feel sad that it is delayed. However, it is nice that their newly remodeled cancer center is opening up that week so I will be getting my infusions in comfort and style. There will be plenty of space for my mom to accompany me to all of my treatments, and Tom will probably bring us lunch sometimes too. A little party of sorts.

To celebrate our engagement anniversary, we often watch the remake of the movie Sabrina, starring Harrison Ford. Our first date as an official "steady" couple was to see that movie in the theater back in 1996. We couldn't find the DVD last night, so if anyone out there borrowed it, let us know. We cuddled up and watched another movie instead, and I marveled that it really has been ten years. I feel so lucky to have Tom for my mate.