My AMAZING friends

On Thursday night, some of my friends from church gave me a fun party. The theme was "When life gives you lemons...." They all gave me things to help me get through the next few months, like books, CD's, adorable hats, cozy pajamas, scarves, a frozen yogurt gift card, bath perfumes, and lotions. I am set to be PAMPERED for a while! One friend gave me an adorable notebook and pen that I am using to write down all the wonderful DAILY blessings I get from all of my friends and family.

I have to say the very best thing I got at the party was from two of my artistic friends who designed incredibly classy postcards that say things like "Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Love, Mandy" in beautiful form. They came with envelopes already stamped. This way, I can attempt to keep up with thank you notes without having to spend a lot of time on days when I just don't feel up to it. I told them I might have to buy some more!

This party was just one example of the AMAZING friends I have and everything they do for me. I received another package recently from two of my old roommates who are sisters and dear friends I've tried to keep up with over the years. They sent some aromatherapy sprays and DELICIOUS chocolate. Mmm, they know me well. We, along with the fourth roommate who is an old high school buddy of mine, had THE BEST time in college. Four peas in a pod, we were.

One of the most touching packages we received in the mail was from a friend who has temporarily moved to the East coast where she is awaiting a lung transplant. This incredible woman has cystic fibrosis, but that does not stop her from LIVING life to the fullest. She is just a phenomenal individual. She is super well-read and totally an expert when it comes to politics, has a fantastic sense of humor, is beautiful and stylish and very spiritual, so very very wise beyond her years, and a dedicated wife and mother to the most ADORABLE 6-year-old twins, a boy and a girl. Their Christmas cards are always of the twins and they are the kind that you just sit and stare at for hours!

Since hearing of my diagnosis, she has been a constant support of positive energy and advice. My trial is SO small compared to hers, and yet she is thoroughly compassionate and so genuinely interested in supporting me. Several weeks ago she sent us a book for each child, and they were perfect! (Philip has really branched out lately from the Superman/Batman thing to add many other imaginary characters, including lots of Star Wars ones and Diego from "Go, Diego, Go!" So he was thrilled that the book for him was a Diego book.) For me there was a beautiful notebook with a kind note about how helpful it's been for her to have something to write things down when at appointments or waiting in a doctor's office. This was perfect for me because to quote my oncologist at one of our early appointments, "You're going to do a lot better with some kind of book than all those little pieces of paper you're writing on...." Being organized has been a life-long pursuit for me, and let's just say good thing it is looking like I've still got some time ahead of me to work on it....Not my strong suit! How desperately I want it to be though, and I've come a long way over the years. Thank heaven for friends who help me!

So whenever I use the notebook at the doctor's office to record thoughts, information, or a "to do" list, I think of my wonderful friend who sent it. And whenever anyone does something nice (this is multiple times a day) I record it in the other book and think doubly of the wonderful friend who gave it to me. That friend has really cute short hair and I kept thinking before I got my haircut, "Maybe, just maybe, I'll be cute with short hair like she is." So thanks for inspiring me!

Another friend has a much more serious cancer and she and her husband are incredible examples to many. She has also so willingly given me advice and support, when what she is going through must be so much more difficult. She is only in her mid-20's with two beautiful little girls. They are moving away soon to be closer to family, which I know will be a blessing to them, but they will be missed. They have a very large circle of friends praying for her life to be extended for as long as the Lord is willing. I am in total awe of their goodness and faith.

One dear family friend who arranged meals for us when my father was dying showed up early on with a darling comfy black shirt (I know some people think black is morbid but it is one of my best colors) and her delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies. She is about one of ten people who have brought me chocolate chip cookies, knowing that I consider them to be the ultimate comfort food. Several others also brought ice cream, the other ultimate comfort food. One family we're close to brought homemade cookies with homemade ice cream sandwiched in the middle. Awesome.

The things people do are incredible and inspired. One friend is doing Costco runs for us twice a month. I am one of those people who finds it hard to understand that anyone actually legitimately enjoys Costco. I find it large and overwhelming and my kids always act up so I gave up going a long time ago and it became Tom's job. (Yes my husband is amazing too but I've already sung his praises before.) It's funny how many people mention having seen Tom at Costco. For some reason when the kids go with Dad it is this big fun adventure and apparently they are somewhat well-behaved. Go figure. But with my current health situation and high demands at work, it is such a blessing that he won't have to do that for a little while. My friend honestly has me convinced that she really likes Costco and genuinely does not mind adding our groceries to her list. She actually seems excited about this. She is one of those moms who is a beacon of practicality. When I was pregnant with Fiona and threw out my back and complained that I couldn't sweep the floors she said, "You need one of these little brooms with the dustpan like this. Go to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Here's a 20% off coupon." She puts such concerted effort into teaching her kids how to be kind and responsible, but at the same time she is so great at commiserating about the little things our kids do that drive us crazy. She organized meals for me when my last two babies were born and she is always one of the first who keeps up with my blog and is always leaving encouraging messages or emails. During the last couple of years, she was diagnosed with diabetes, but she deals with it so seamlessly that I often forget. Then something triggers my memory and I feel ashamed that I haven't asked about how she is doing more often.

She and several other friends who I've known for years through Las Madres (a local mom's group) have a play group on Fridays where we take turns helping out with the kids. It's kind of a banking system. In addition to signing up with the 80+ others on the web site to bring in meals and such, they've all arranged to have Philip brought to and from play group every week and have insisted that I be "off" from baby-sitting for the next several months and that the hours I use are "free." It is so nice that Philip can have some sense of normalcy with these wonderful women who've been helping to watch him practically since birth. Most of them have an older child Miles' age as well, which was our original play group, so he has the benefit of old friends and familiar places for some of his play dates there as well. It has been such a rewarding experience for all of us to watch one another's children grow, and I'm so glad one of them has a baby girl Fiona's age so that the joy of play group can continue into future years!

Another friend from Las Madres is always sending me links to cool web sites with things like hats and lollipops to help my mouth. She sent me my first soft chemo type hat, so I guess I'll be trying it out later this week!

One of my oldest Las Madres friends moved to the South where she is from--a blessing for her but a drag for me! Can you believe she offered to shave her head? I wouldn't even see it because she's clear across the country, so to her and to my wonderful cousin's wife who offered the same I say NO! Leave that to the men. She is such a dear and always sending encouraging thoughts and prayers my way. She posted a special entry about me on her blog asking for people to fast and pray for me back when we didn't know what kind of lymphoma I had. I love that she is so open about her faith in our Savior and about her efforts to increase that faith in Christ. She is one of three different friends living in totally far-away places who have specifically given my name to their own religious congregations to pray for me. It is such an awesome feeling to know that all of these people from all different faiths are combining their efforts in the power of prayer on my behalf. I know that God hears and answers prayers and I am so grateful for this kindness.

In my own faith, we have temples, which are special places of worship different from our regular Sunday meetinghouses. Attending the temple is a unique and uplifting experience. One of the things that is part of a typical ceremony is a special prayer on behalf of people who are sick or otherwise afflicted. People attending the temple can write down names on the prayer roll and then these names are places on the altars of the temple so that the prayers are said on behalf of these people. Before my own diagnosis, I had put many relatives' names on the rolls of the temple but I didn't know how long the names stayed there. I found out recently that those names stay on the prayer rolls for two weeks! There are several temple sessions throughout the day, and I have been told by friends and relatives that my name is on prayer rolls of temples all over the country.

Our neighborhood is incredible. We were fortunate to nab this house back in the crazy days of Bay Area bidding wars. Unlike today, you had to overbid on just about anything to even have a chance. Our dentist, who is now our bishop, told us that his neighbor across the street wanted to sell their house without putting it on the market. It was surreal--he said to go to the guy's gas station that he owned and tell him I had an interest in buying his house. I went over there and the conversation went something like this:

"Hi, my name is Amanda Carmack and my husband and I are interested in buying your house. I knew your son in high school."

"Ok. Sounds good. Why don't you come take a look at it today?"

Pretty much done. Our amazing Realtor helped us all out with the paperwork and a LOT of other things I haven't got time to mention--he and his wife are some of the most service-oriented people I know. So giving.

So now we live across the street from our bishop and his wife on this wonderful tree-lined street. He went to high school with my dad. He and his wife are like an extra set of grandparents for my kids. They fill them up on treats and take an interest in them and do a lot of the things I know my dad would have done if he were here (things I am so fortunate to have my mom doing too of course). A couple of weeks ago she insisted on a new routine of coming over about twice a week to take loads of laundry. She folds so neatly and even sometimes puts the kids' clothes away in the drawers. It is such a blessing to have that help with keeping up with that right now. This is another example of a couple who have risen above some really hard challenges in life. I asked her the other day how she got through a rough time she went through years ago and she said her dad (who was a very dear man, beloved by many including myself) sent her a card that said, "If you can't get through a whole day, get through half a day. If you can't get through half a day, get through the next fifteen minutes." She said sometimes you just get through the next fifteen minutes. I hope I can get through every fifteen minutes of life with the same kind of brilliant smile that she has.

Their daughter-in-law is one of the cookie-bakers I mentioned earlier and she is just an amazing service-oriented person. I grew up with her husband but hardly knew her when they moved back to the area. Took her about two seconds to just decide to be my friend. (I can only assume she is like this with everyone.) She is a talented artist and one of our treasured Christmas gifts was a drawing of Miles that she did when he was two. She is always begging me to send the kids over to her house as if it's a favor. When my mom took Miles to Disneyland two weeks before my due date and I was worried I'd go into labor, she pleaded with me to call her in the middle of the night so she could watch Philip if I had to go to the hospital, stating that it would make her feel SO important. Now that's a friend. Fiona must have some pre-earth memory of that because she ADORES her. She just jumps into her arms. It is probably because she is the mother of three daughters and Fiona can sense that she is old hat at the little girl thing, while I am just switching gears from having been only a boy-mom.

Another neighbor who I also grew up with was among the first to look up the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for me and give me info. She took my little ones the other day and baked cookies with them and everything and then I found out a few days later that she is pregnant with her second baby and she is totally nauseated! What a trooper! I told her NO MORE taking my kids for a while! We have the best conversations and I just adore her sense of humor and her SUPER cute little daughter who I'm thrilled to have here to grow up with Fiona!

Four little boys in the neighborhood are good buddies with my sons and their mothers are all dear friends. One always looks out for Miles at school and her son gives the best hugs and kisses to Fiona. Another has already brought us dinner twice and I think she's signed up for more. I have to say one of the reasons I adore her whole family is the British accent. It is just so soothing. The other two are kindred spirits for many reasons, one of which is that their husbands also work at Wilson. So we totally get each other when it comes to the ebb and flow of frustrating lawyer schedules. One of these was the one who brought over the candy. Their family is such a blessing to ours. Always there when ANY of their friends need them. We've traded more eggs between our two households than I could ever count. Our spare keys have saved each other from being locked out of our own houses a dozen times. We watch their fish and they watch ours. They don't even fire us from fish-watching when their fish dies on our watch. (They'll be home from a trip soon and I'm pleased to say the current Beta is thriving in our kitchen right now.) Before they left on their trip recently she brought over two big frozen blocks of her delicious soups that we could thaw and eat at will. She does this every so often because she knows we just love her soup. Her husband is one of those super-gifted people who throws himself whole-heartedly into everything he does. You would think that with the time he spends on work and church and being a fabulous father to his four adorable kids, he wouldn't have any time left for friends, but somehow he and she are both always reaching out to others. You know how we all have just a few of those priceless friends who we can really talk to about anything and we don't have to filter even a tiny little bit, ever? They are these. He'll show up on the doorstep and look me in the eye and say, "You ok?" and he means it. He wants to know the real answer. She'll give me a hug with tears in her eyes and say she loves me and she means it. They are so precious and our kids would live at their house for days if they could!

In addition to these are a multitude of wonderful smiling faces in our neighborhood who are so dear and concerned and good to our kids and they give us hugs and encouragement. Many of them are past the stage of raising little kids and they remind me often to enjoy the phase I am in, as it will pass before I know it.

Two dear friends whose daughters attend the same elementary school as Miles take care of picking him up after kindergarten most days and driving him to wherever he is going. Several others with children there have offered the same should I ever need it. This is a real blessing because sometimes I'm at an appointment and other times I'm in a position where I feel like I shouldn't be driving. If I'm up to it, I can go get him, but if not, it is all worked out.

Another friend I grew up with declared herself "on call." She and several others have said to call them any time with any need. What I love about her is that we have a history and we were these dramatic little girls in our youth and when we get together we just talk to each other like we did back then. I can use the big dramatic words with her and she totally gets it. For example, "I was suffering with this intolerable mouth pain all weekend and I could not get relief" to which she will reply with great passion, "Oh my goodness I can't even imagine your suffering! To go through something like that...." It's all Anne-of-Green-Gables-esque and I feel like we relish the horror of it all together--with big expressive smiles on our faces. It makes me feel like I'm back in junior high--in a GOOD way.

My hairdresser, who I also knew when we were teens, is refusing to let me pay for my haircuts now and only let me give her a little tip on Thursday. She insisted that this was something she could do to help me and that is the type of girl she is.

A dear and very giving woman from church called recently offering what seriously feels like the GRAND PRIZE. Her daughter is a massage therapist and she is going to come to my home weekly and give me a free massage! Between that, our neighborhood hot tub and long hot baths at my mom's house with all my new bath items from my friends, it's going to feel like I'm going to the spa every day throughout treatment. (I've never been to a spa so it will be easy for me to think that it's like that...)

The meals pour in and it's rather ridiculous--people are signed up all the way into July! It seems like whatever meal comes is always perfect that night. If I'm nauseated or my mouth is on fire it's magically a mild dinner and if I'm feeling really good it's spicier, which is my natural preference.

Lindsay of course is another one of these friends I refer to who gets to hear any detail she is willing to listen to. Not only has she coordinated my life for the next three months, but long before any of this ever happened she was serving as my mid-day therapist. The one you call up so that you know you are not going insane with your little children running amok. We have had so many insightful conversations about faith and life and death and raising children. Now that I am going through this whole thing, I bounce ideas off of her and she knows me and my family so well that her suggestions are spot on. She is another incredible example of someone who looks around and is in tune with who needs a little boost and she is there to give it. And any woman who can have four children in less than five years is a true saint in my book. I hope she's as thrilled as I am that Miles proposed marriage to her daughter a while back. It probably won't stick, but I can dream. I love her kids almost as I do my own. I grew up with her husband and he lost his father around the same time I did mine. I think one of the reasons Lindsay and I connect as well as we do is that our husbands come from a similar mold--very caring, even-keel and devoted. They balance out their zany wives.

There's also been multiple cards, phone calls, emails, posts on the blog and Facebook, and on and on. All kinds of people at Tom's work who don't even know me say they are thinking of us and have offered help too. I've had the opportunity to reconnect with so many old friends. This experience has taught me so much about the goodness of people--and apparently I've got months to go. It is truly life-changing. If you're reading this you're probably one of the many, near or far, who've touched our lives. THANK YOU!!! I can't possibly keep up with all of the well wishes that are sent our way but please know that every kind word or deed is truly treasured. You are all angels.