Party and Pain

It's been quite a weekend.  Friday night we got together with a group to celebrate Tom and our friend Daniel's 30-something birthdays.  We went to "Sky High" in Santa Clara, which many of us had never been to before, and I think people really had a blast.  It is a place that is mostly frequented by teen-agers and kids, so one friend described it as being exhilarating to feel young again.  Sky High Sports is a place where there are rooms made out of trampolines, and the main room our group focused on was the trampoline dodgeball room.  I only participated in one game of dodge ball, but I think most of the others really wore themselves out!  Word has it that our group clobbered a team made up of people over a decade younger, so that is something to be proud of!  

Tom's big birthday present was new speakers for the front room, and when they arrived in the mail a few weeks ago, he was like a child on Christmas morning.  He crawled under the house himself and got everything set up and as I write this he is in there reading a book and listening to beautiful music.  It is pretty awesome, I must admit.

Miles had his first t-ball game on Saturday, and that was truly an entertaining event.  Eleven kids attempting to dive onto every ball.  I am a little saddened that I won't be at more of the games, but am truly grateful that my wonderful mother has worked out her schedule to be able to take him.

My nausea mostly subsided by Friday, but what I have been dealing with this weekend is intolerable mouth pain as well as some bad heartburn.  The combination is really not fun, but I am trying not to be a whiner.  Apparently mouth sores are a common side affect of chemotherapy treatment, and while I don't actually have any visible mouth sores, I am thinking that perhaps that is where this is all headed.  My whole mouth feels like it is on fire all of the time.  It's kind of like the sensation of those Pop Rocks candies we ate as kids.  Just a constant burning sensation all over my mouth.  Anything that I put into it, including water, aggravates it even more.   It fills up the whole mouth so that my jaw is also sore and my ears ache.   Painful.  

Two things have been somewhat helpful--a delicious, mild loaf of homemade bread that one of my friends brought me at church today, along with a sweet note, a beautiful plant, and some canned peaches.  I ate slices of the bread today and declared it a miracle--my mouth was hardly burning.  The other thing was that my "cancer binder" listed sucking on hard candies as something that could help.  Not wanting to shop on the Sabbath, I called my wonderful neighbors and asked if they had any suckers or candy at their house and my dear friend brought a big bag right over.  She described how her kids gave up some of their stash to help Mandy.  I thought that was such a sweet little sacrifice.   Having the candy or sometimes ice chips to suck on helps a bit.

I am looking forward to tomorrow; I will first meet with a nutritionist who I hope will give me some good guidelines about eating both in general and as it relates to the mouth trouble.  After that I have my second chemotherapy infusion.  This one should not nauseate me, and afterwards I will talk to the oncologist or nurse and I can ask questions I have about some of my medications.  There are a few dosages that I think we might want to change a little bit and I hope it will help me be less fatigued and also alleviate the symptoms I am experiencing.  According to the binder there isn't really a way to prevent the mouth problems, but there is a prescription mouth wash that might provide a little relief.

One of the best parts of the weekend was going over the calendar with my mom and husband and finally accepting that I am already worn out and it is okay that I have a host of wonderful people who are taking over a lot of my responsibilities for the next few months.  A week ago I felt sort of silly knowing that all of these people were taking my kids and bringing meals and offering to do other things because I felt fine physically.  I have been surprised at how much the treatment has already affected me, and now I don't feel guilt about people stepping in to help. I I honestly need it and they legitimately seem to want to, so I will just feel good about providing them with a warm, fuzzy experience!   I was really stressing out and feeling overwhelmed about the details, but now I am just sort of letting go and allowing others to make things easier for me.  We have a wonderful college student who will be coming regularly three times a week beginning in mid-April, and until then people are eager to do what they can.  I am amazed at all of these examples around me.  

A friend who visited with us tonight mentioned how when he and his wife had an eighteen-month old and then twins, they had no choice but to accept help from people.  For months friends brought them meals and ladies fought over who would do their laundry and clean their house.  He and his wife are the type who are always there to help others--she was watching Fiona through part of the church meeting today so that I could rest and enjoy--and it really helped me to realize that everyone, including the strong ones, have times when they need to lean on others.  He helped convince me to be grateful and let it be, knowing that my turn will come again and I will definitely be anxious to pitch in.  Until then, I am so blessed to be in a position where I will be able to focus on getting well.