Two weeks later--feeling better and back to mourning the loss of my hair

Pick a picture, any picture. This is how I would like you to picture me. With hair. I don't care if it's short or long. Just picture me with hair! Oh how I miss my hair.

Actually, my hair really is growing more and more every day, but it still isn't even long enough to look like your typical man's do (at which point I will probably be long past giving up scarves, hats and my wig).

My doctor said I would have tired days and pretty good days, but I am in total astonishment as to how generally good I feel. It is like after each of my pregnancies--I say to myself a couple of weeks later, "Yup, I wasn't making that up. It was awful! And it lasted forever! And now I feel like myself again, only slightly tired!"

So that is fantastic. I have some slight mouth aggravation and I am still numb in my fingers. According to the doctor, my medicine helps take away the pain but not the numbness, which could last for up to a year. I am certain she felt I was far too devastated during treatment to be told such a thing. She preferred saving it for the healthier, saner version of me. I still find it disappointing, but at least it will keep me from wondering, unless we get to a year from now and I am still tingling. Here are some things that can be difficult to do with neuropathy:

Play piano (This has gotten better and I'm able to do it pretty well sometimes now--hooray!)
Change and dress my toddler (buttons and zippers are especially hard)
Get my toddler out of her car seat (pushing the button to release it is the hard part)
Turn lids on jars, medication, etc.
Lock the dead bolt on the front door
Put on necklaces
Scoop ice cream (you'd think this, combined with the 20 lb. weight gain, would help deter my consumption, but not so)
Tie shoes (not too bad, but uncomfortable)
Push the button to dispense laundry detergent
Shave my legs (That's because I'm very nearsighted so in the shower I rely on my sense of touch to shave, but my sense of touch is altered--everything feels rough)
Cut a big watermelon
Shuffle cards
Open and close Ziploc bags
Open packaged items (such as a bag of M & M's or wipes refills)
Push the pushpins into a bulletin board
Squeeze things out of a bottle (syrup, lotion, etc.)--it has to be done with both hands
Hang pants or skirts on the hangers with clips (This one is pretty much impossible--I can't open the clips)
Turn the nozzle on a spray bottle
Turn the ignition in the car (that was only when it was at its worst, but it sure scared me!)


While I was busy going through cancer, life went on without me. (Imagine that!) There are new people I've met recently who didn't know me BEFORE, and it's a little irritating to realize they have no clue who I really am. For the first time in years the other day I introduced myself to someone new who I expect I'll see on a somewhat regular basis, and the vibe I got was, "Not really that interested in knowing you." This took me aback because I'm friendly and I'm used to being greeted with warmth. I think it was more a sign of her feeling awkward and curious as to why I had a scarf on my head, but it still annoyed me. I really hope I don't do that to people with other physical abnormalities. This is a good way for me to continue learning humility though. My friends reassure me that people like her will soon learn all the relevant facts by word of mouth, and then a couple of years from now I'll meet more people who won't even know I ever went through such a thing.

Overall we are doing well around here. My biggest happiness is realizing that being primarily in charge of my own children again is producing positive results for our family. My worries of the illness having affected them are validated--they really did act up more--but I am pleased to see how quickly things are returning to normal. They are not scarred for life; but I am not replaceable either. Things go better when Mom is in charge, and most of the time everyone is in a better mood.